I don't want the brute of a vehicle I see before me, nor do I see myself driving one at any point in the near future. There is nothing wrong with Janine. She has been good by me, which is totally altruistic on her behalf, since I have treated her like total crap.
Two washes in three years, a couple of minor bumps and scrapes left untreated, a world of junk inside her doors which I describe to my girlfriend as "all good stuff", but in truth, I just don't want to clutter my room with it.
But I would hate it if she were gone. She gets me from place to place with limited fuss and that is truly all I need. Why would I want something more exotic? My happiness, I feel, is illustrated better by the people in my thoughts, the items in my shopping basket, the smile on my face.
I may be ridiculed with bemusement by those who have worked hard to receive their rewards irregularly in large boxes. Those of a more traditional generation and philosophy may try to tell me that I will regret my actions, that I have wasted my time, that I am wrong.
The thing is, the thing I decided so long ago, is that when life springs one of its less pleasant surprises, I do not want to find myself changing my perspectives & priorities. For me there is no right and wrong, only cause and effect, decisions and consequences, so if life is about balance, then I want my scales to be lightly loaded. And if my happiness must be measured, then tonight I would rather talk about empty tubs of ice cream & bottles of wine, scores of films I have seen recently, the one I love, everyone I love.
Recognising that this is not Black or White, good or bad, right or wrong is perhaps the hardest part. In my most impressionable years, I experienced both sides of the line and I would be lying if I said I had not ever been conflicted. But in taking elements from each side I have found myself in the middle of black and white and for as long as possible that is where I intend to stay.
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